Quick update, embarrassing moment and some deep thoughts

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster for Jack and I. Jack stares at me while I run around trying to get my hormones back into place. Jack's finals are coming up and he luckily has some smart friends to study with so I have high hopes for him.

My computer crashed several days ago. According to my sources (Alan) it's not a complete blow out.

I am starting to hate the smell of smoke, the sight of cigarette butts, and all things unkempt.

Jack fixed our vacuum-sort of.

We have been getting to know a few more people lately. Kyle and Tessa have invited us to many events, which I am grateful for. I have been a little helpless socially so the push to go out has been nice. A few days ago they arranged a dinner party of 12 to Olive Garden where we met Joe and Jessica. They have been married a little longer than we have. I like them a lot. Unfortunately we had an awkward moment that I am not sure what to do about. The subject of kids seemed to come up fairly regularly. We didn't want to make them feel sad or awkward so we just mentioned we didn't have any. I just figured we would talk about it at a later date if a friendship started. There were the harmless comments of "don't let her hold a baby, she'll just want one." Which, really, there was nothing wrong with. Until the subject of pregnancy came up and I was asked about mine. I don't think I need to go into details about the intense "crap, now what." that I am sure was going through all of our minds. I quickly explained that we had lost our twins about a month ago and things were getting better. But the damage was done. Later we all went to the hot tub. I so badly wanted to say "look please don't be worried about what happened at dinner," or something similar. Instead I just let it go and decided to avoid it because that was easier.

I have had some wonderful chats with several different people lately. I am very grateful for each of them. One in particular talked to me about trials. She explained to me that her husband wasn't LDS and that is what she deals with every day. But she wouldn't ever want to deal with what I am dealing with. I have to admit that I would choose my situation over hers any day. I am grateful for the things I am learning, the closeness I am feeling to Jack and my Heavenly Father. I finally feel like I belong here due to the following new Logan friends I am making. I appreciate that Brittany does such wonderful things for me and then makes me feel like a rock star when she talks about me. I love that Jenna referred to me as a sister and feels comfortable enough to discuss life with me. I really appreciated that Macey asked questions. I love that I can count on Jessica to be a consistent friend whom I could trust with my life. I really appreciate the energy that Contessa has to keep checking up and inviting me places. The Lord knew I would need these people, and I couldn't be happier that I have them.