Temple night

Jack and I just got back from a quick, well quite long, trip to the temple. We went with our buds Kyle and Contessa who are getting married a week from today! We planned on hitting the 7 session but it was full so we had to wait. Then there were a few malfunctions so we did a lot of quiet reflection this evening.

We later went to Village Inn which has worked hard at becoming quite trendy. I would recommend the improvement to anyone willing to go check it out. It's really that fancy! They went with a 60-70's theme but a recent twist. cute.

Jack's sister is getting married this weekend-which will be a fun adventure!

Oh and last weekend I got to go to Provo for some events by myself. I loved it! I had some wonderful conversations and I have a renewed love for the friends that I have down there.

On a personal note since I lost the twins I have been up and down. I am generally happy, I have found a lot of peace in my situation. There are a lot of things I still am surprised I can't handle. For instance a set of twins were blessed on Sunday in my ward and I lost it. Mostly when I am caught off guard I have a hard time. If I am a part of a pregnancy conversation I find I do fine. But if I happen to notice something like that going on I find I can't control my emotions. I let myself cry at home.

I am not worried about getting pregnant again, and I know I will. I know it's ok to cry.I have heard all the encouraging assumptions I can take. Frankly, the nicest things people have said or done for me are just simple "I was thinking about you." or just taking an insterest in my story. I love to talk about what happened. I try really hard to be forward and tell people as it comes up that I like to talk about it. But I understand it's awkward.

My visiting teachers have been wonderful. I have really been watched over and I love that they call and check up on me. Take me out to the movies and bring me cookies. I think it's neat that people I didn't know so well were willing to make sure I had the friendship I needed. I was pretty lonely, and sometimes still feel very lonely.

I am also lucky because I have a few old friends that have really gotten to know me enough to know what I need. I live so far away from Provo now that my time with them is so limited. Really awesome friends are hard to come by, and I have mine just a text away.

We never named the boys, but we call them Jacob and Esau because one came out all big and red. I think about them every day. Every day I can think of something my experience with them has taught me/comforted me/inspired me etc.

Today Jacob and Esau inspired me to prepare to be a better mother. I had a wonderful time at the temple, enough said.